Adventure travel cats are all the rage according to the kitties I see on Instagram. I wondered if Stella would like to join her ranks. I probably shouldn’t have done it.
Stella, I’m curious. What is your opinion on adventure travel?
I adore it. I’ve always made myself a sailor, you know
I did not know that.
Ever since I was a kitten, I’ve had visions of getting Jeff Bezos’ superyacht to Monaco and playing the baccarat tables that night. I’ve seen a lot of Miami Vice as a kitten.
What about something more rustic?
Like Bill Gates’ super yacht? I think he only has one helicopter.
I mean adventure, Stella, just you in the middle of nature. Some people bring their pets on vacation like this.
Cats on vacation? How long has this been going on?
Uh … years?
Funny how you never mentioned it. Funny that I’ve never been to the SUPERMARKET when all these other cats galloped around ice floes and hugged spider monkeys.
Nobody hugs spider monkeys.
I could get a spider monkey to hug me.
I’ve seen Nat Geo Kids for nine years.
Stella, what about something closer to home?
Well, I’ve always wanted to free Solo El Capitan. Why should Alex Honnold get all the credit?
You slipped off the bed this morning. And how do you know about Alex?
I make it my business to know about Alex Honnold. All cats do. I was able to complete the freerider route in two hours. Just don’t cut my nails beforehand.
Do you remember the last week when you couldn’t get off the bookshelf?
But I put the bookshelf up.
I thought about us more on a simple camping trip.
And we would what? Hunting and fishing? Maybe find a vertical plate to work out on?
Eh, you’d be in the tent most of the time.
In the tent.
They know how fleas piss you off.
Don’t make me start with fleas …
I’m not trying to get you –
Legitimate vermin! Collect in places I can’t reach! Keep it up like it’s carnival on my lower back! Have children in my ARMPIT!
We really don’t have to talk about it –
Do I cling to the bellies of passing elephants? Am I making my home in the folds of a rhinoceros like nothing is wrong ?! Mark my words, man, nature was wrong about the flea!
Written down. Are you ready?
I think so. Wow, that was exhilarating. What was talked about again? Eat?
Ah. And am I for it? Sorry, my mind is completely empty.
I’ve outlined the reasons why you would have to stay in a tent if we were going to go camping. # 1: You hate fleas. No. 2: You are afraid of pine cones.
I am not afraid of pine cones!
I’m not scared of … Oh right, I’m scared of bears.
And I don’t even have to ask what will happen if I put you on a leash and –
It will be the last thing you do.
I agree. So let’s stay with the tent.
Don’t you forget something
We can’t bring the fridge.
I don’t mean that … but now that you bring it up, why can’t we?
We can’t bring the couch either.
What are we, savages?
It’s camping, Stella. Just the basics.
You forget that nature is my home, my natural state. I’m a PREDATOR out there in the wild, a KING.
I still can’t bring the couch with me.
KINGS MUST SLEEP.
What do you say we start smaller? Maybe take that trip to the grocery store that you always talk about.
Can I drive in the car?
Make sure you go down the meat aisle. You wouldn’t BELIEVE the stories I’ve heard about it.
Continue reading: Off on vacation? Holidays and cat grooming tips